In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best stock market jokes, stock market puns and stock market dad jokes to make you laugh.
Laughing all the way to the bank: The top stock market jokes
1. Why did the stock market break up with his girlfriend? Because she kept wanting to take things to the next level, but he was always afraid of commitment!
2. How do you make a small fortune in the stock market? Start with a large fortune!
3. Why did the stock market go to therapy? Because it had too many highs and lows!
4. Why did the investor bring a ladder to the stock market? To take his investments to new heights!
5. What did the stock market say to the investor who couldn’t make up his mind? “Stop being on the fence and take a position!”
6. Why did the stock market go to the doctor? Because it had a case of irrational exuberance!
7. Why did the stock market turn down the job offer? It couldn’t bear the thought of working 9 to 5!
8. What do you get when you cross the stock market with a lemon? A sour investment!
9. Why did the stock market switch to decaf? It was tired of all the jittery movements!
10. Why did the stock market invest in a GPS? So it could always find its way back to the green!
Investing in humor: Hilarious stock market jokes that will make you LOL
1. How do you know the stock market is in a good mood? It’s on a bull run!
2. Why did the stock market break up with the economy? It said it needed some space to grow!
3. Why did the stock market start dating the tech sector? It heard they had great “connections”!
4. Why did the stock market bring a watermelon to the party? Because it wanted to show off its impressive “seed” investments!
5. What do you call a group of aggressive stock market investors? A bear brawl!
6. Why did the stock market take up yoga? To find some balance in its portfolio!
7. Why did the stock market wear a bandage? Because it had a lot of bear bruises!
8. What did the stock market say to the investor who bought a penny stock? “You’re really reaching for the bottom line!”
9. Why did the stock market go to the comedy club? To work on its portfolio of jokes!
10. What do you get when you mix a stock market investor with a genie? Someone who’s always wishing for more wishes – er, stocks!
Funny money: The best jokes about the stock market
1. Why did the stock market make a will? Because it knew it had to diversify its assets!
2. How does the stock market know when it’s time to retire? When it starts getting bearish about working!
3. Why did the stock market get a haircut? Because it wanted to trim its losses!
4. What do you call a stock market investor who loves to bake? A trader Joe!
5. Why did the stock market cross the road? To get to the other side of the ticker tape!
6. How do you know the stock market is a big football fan? It’s always trying to score a touchdown!
7. Why did the stock market invest in a bakery? It heard there was a lot of dough to be made!
8. What did the stock market say to the mutual fund? “Let’s pool our resources!”
9. Why did the stock market go to the pet store? To buy some bull and bear cubs!
10. What do you get when you cross the stock market with a magician? A disappearing act – just like your money!
Trading laughs: Humorous stock market jokes that will tickle your funny bone
1. Why did the stock market want to join the circus? It heard they had a strong “ring” of performers!
2. How do stock market investors stay calm during market crashes? They practice meditation – on their sinking stocks!
3. Why did the stock market go to the party with a broken arm? It heard there would be a bullfight!
4. What did the stock market say to the bear market investor? “You can’t bear the thought of my bullish ways, can you?”
5. Why did the stock market invest in a gardening company? It wanted to see its money ‘grow’!
6. How does the stock market cope with stress? It takes long walks on Wall Street!
7. Why did the stock market take up skydiving? It wanted to experience the thrill of freefall – just like its stock prices!
8. What did the stock market say to the bank? “I think we should see other investors…”
9. Why did the stock market start a book club? It wanted to diversify its interests!
10. What do you call a stock market investor who loves to fish? A reel-y good trader!
Bullish on comedy: The funniest stock market jokes of all time
1. Why did the stock market hire a plumber? To fix all the leaks in its financial statements!
2. How do you know the stock market is a great dancer? It’s always doing the bull market shuffle!
3. Why did the stock market go to the beach? To ride the wave of market trends!
4. What did the stock market say to the cheese factory? “I hear you have a lot of whey to go before your stock matures!”
5. How do stock market analysts make s’mores? They just hold their stock options over the hottest stocks!
6. Why did the stock market take up painting? It heard there was a lot of money in ‘brush’ strokes!
7. What did the stock market say to the car salesman? “I think I’ll take all the ‘fast track’ options!”
8. Why did the stock market try out for the football team? It wanted to score some points with its shareholders!
9. How does the stock market like its coffee? Strong, with a lot of market buzz!
10. What do you get when you mix the stock market with a haunted house? A lot of ghost shares – they’ll haunt you forever!