In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best scottish jokes, scottish puns and scottish dad jokes to make you laugh.
Hilarious Scottish Jokes to Keep You Laughing
1. Why did the Scottish golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
2. How does a Scotsman keep his kilts up?
With a belt called a kilt pin!
3. Why did the Scottish man only wear one shoe to the Highland Games?
He heard there would be a shoe-dertoss competition!
4. What do you call a Scottish dinosaur?
A Loch Ness Monster!
5. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired from riding up and down the Scottish hills!
6. Why was the Scottish clock always tired?
It had too many hands!
7. What do you get when you cross a Scottish person with a vampire?
A kilt lifter!
8. Why did the Scottish man bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house!
9. How do you make a Scottish tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
10. Why do Scottish people always carry a map?
Just in case they get kilt!
Best Scottish Puns That Will Have You Rollin’
1. What do you call a Scottish werewolf?
A wee, hairy beastie!
2. Why did the Scottish chef get arrested?
He was caught thistling the thyme!
3. How do you know if a Scotsman is at your party?
There’s a wee dram in the punch!
4. Why did the Scottish farmer win an award?
He was out-standing in his field!
5. What do you call a Scottish explorer in the Arctic?
A kilted eskimo!
6. Why did the Scottish person bring a ladder to the bar?
They heard the drinks were on the house!
7. Why did the Scottish golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!
8. What kind of music do Scottish ghosts like?
Soul music!
9. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying!
10. Why did the Scotsman wear two jackets when he painted the house?
The instructions on the can said to apply two coats!
Side-Splitting Funny Scottish Jokes You Can’t Miss
1. Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic!
3. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with him!
4. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Arrrrr!
5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
6. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?
A kingfish!
7. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
8. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
9. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems!
10. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
Laugh Out Loud with These Top Scottish Humor Jokes
1. I told my wife she should embrace her Scottish heritage and learn to play the bagpipes.
Now the neighbors don’t talk to us.
2. Why did the Scottish Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil!
3. How does a Scotsman find sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying!
4. Did you hear about the Scottish cow that tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
She was udderly ridiculous!
5. How do sheep in Scotland greet each other?
Hey, ewe doing?
6. Why did the Scottish sheep farmer hire a cow to guard his flock?
He needed a “moo-tivator”!
7. Why did the Scottish dog sit in the shade?
He didn’t want to be a hot dog!
8. How do you make a Scottish laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday!
9. What kind of exercises do lazy Scottish people do?
Dum-bells!
10. Why did the Scotsman wear a kilt to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house!
Scottish Jokes: Guaranteed to Make Your Day Brighter
1. Why do Scotsman wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
2. Why did the Scottish man only wear one shoe to the Highland Games?
He heard there would be a shoe-dertoss competition!
3. What do you call a Scotsman with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp!
4. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise!
5. What do you call a Scotsman in the knockout stages of a soccer tournament?
Referee!
6. What do you call a Scottish superhero?
The Loch Ness Monster!
7. How do you hide money from a Scotsman?
Hide it under the soap!
8. What do you call a Scottish man stuck on a rooftop?
Sir Lanslot!
9. Why don’t Scotsmen wear underwear?
Freedom!
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home?
It lost its highland!