In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best news jokes, news puns and news dad jokes to make you laugh.
Laugh Out Loud: Top Hilarious News Jokes of the Year
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
2. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.
3. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
4. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
5. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
6. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
7. I told my computer I needed a break and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
8. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
9. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
10. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
Funny Headlines: The Most Ridiculous News Jokes You Won’t Believe
1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
2. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
3. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
4. Parallel lines don’t have anything in common. They’re parallel.
5. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but good players are really hard to find.
6. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought, “That’s the last thing I need!”
7. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
8. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
10. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
Breaking News…Literally: The Funniest News Jokes That Will Make You Smile
1. I’m writing a book on how to set your goals super high. It’s a best-seller, because stratosphere.
2. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
3. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
4. Can February March? No, but April May!
5. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t put it down!
6. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
7. I’m trying to organize a bachelorette party for a group of beekeepers, but it’s causing quite a buzz.
8. I blew up my inflatable mattress last night… It’s not working now.
9. I’m reading a book on the psychology of humor. It’s no joke.
10. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Extra, Extra! Read All About It: The Wackiest News Jokes That Went Viral
1. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
2. I’m reading a book on the history of palindromes… it’s only been forwards so far.
3. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
4. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
5. I asked the librarian if there were any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you…”
6. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
7. I’m reading a book on the psychology of humor. It’s no joke.
8. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
9. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but good players are really hard to find.
10. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
Don’t Miss Out: The Best News Jokes That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor
1. I learned sign language while traveling in Africa. It’s pretty handy.
2. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
3. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
4. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
5. I’m writing a book on how to set your goals super high. It’s a best-seller because people are reaching for the sky.
6. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.
7. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans.
8. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
9. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
10. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.