In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best marriage jokes, marriage puns and marriage dad jokes to make you laugh.
1. Hilarious Husband-Wife Jokes That Will Have You in Stitches
1. Why did the husband break up with the internet? It kept buffering in the middle of his sentences.
2. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
3. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
4. I asked my wife to let me know the next time she had an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.
5. Why did the wife carry a pencil and paper to bed? So she could draw the curtains.
6. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
8. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.
9. Why did the husband go to the grocery store with a pencil? He needed to draw his own conclusions.
10. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
2. Laugh-Out-Loud Marriage Jokes to Brighten Your Day
1. Why do married people live longer? Because they are afraid to ask for directions.
2. The shortest horror story: Marriage.
3. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
4. Why did the husband go to the movie theater alone? Because he wanted to see a chick flick.
5. Why do married men gain weight? Because they cook food for their wives but end up eating it.
6. Why did the wife carry a pencil and paper to bed? So she could draw the curtains.
7. Why did the husband go to the grocery store with a pencil? He needed to draw his own conclusions.
8. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
9. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
10. Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
3. Top 10 Funny Jokes About Married Life
1. Why did the bride run out of the church? She heard the groom was a kneel-er, not a kneel-er.
2. One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
3. Why did the couple get a divorce in the dessert? They were tackling sand issues.
4. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
5. I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
6. My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.
7. Why don’t men ever need to check the expiration date on their marriage licenses? Because they think they know everything.
8. Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. Why did the husband go to the bank with a ladder? He wanted to take out a short-term loan.
4. Side-Splitting Jokes Every Married Couple Can Relate To
1. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.
2. Why did the husband go to the grocery store with a pencil? He needed to draw his own conclusions.
3. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
4. I asked my wife to let me know the next time she had an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.
5. Why did the wife carry a pencil and paper to bed? So she could draw the curtains.
6. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
7. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
8. Why did the husband break up with the internet? It kept buffering in the middle of his sentences.
9. Why did the wife carry a pencil and paper to bed? So she could draw the curtains.
10. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
5. The Funniest One-Liners About Marriage You Need to Hear
1. Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but when you’re on it, you’re stuck together.
2. A good marriage is like a casserole. Only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.
3. Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
4. Marriage is the main reason for divorce.
5. Why did the husband go to the bank with a ladder? He wanted to take out a short-term loan.
6. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
7. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
8. Why did the husband break up with the internet? It kept buffering in the middle of his sentences.
9. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.
10. Why did the wife carry a pencil and paper to bed? So she could draw the curtains.