In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best investing jokes, investing puns and investing dad jokes to make you laugh.
Laughing all the way to the bank: The funniest investing jokes
1. Why did the investor bring string to the stock market? He wanted to tie up some loose ends.
2. How do you make a small fortune in the stock market? Start with a large one.
3. Why did the banker switch careers to become a chef? He wanted to make some dough.
4. What did the investor say to the financial planner on their lunch date? “Let’s taco ’bout diversifying my portfolio.”
5. Why did the stockbroker bring a ladder to work? He heard the market was on the rise.
6. How do you know when a stock is bad at poker? It folds too easily.
7. What did the bull say to the bear in the stock market? “I’m feeling bullish about our future.”
8. Why did the investor buy a bakery? He wanted some solid dough.
9. Why did the stock market go to therapy? It had too many ups and downs.
10. Why was the banker always calm during market crashes? She had a lot of interest in staying balanced.
Money talks, but these jokes will make you laugh
1. Why did the accountant break up with the investor? They just didn’t add up.
2. How do you make a stockbroker laugh on a Monday? Tell them a joke on Friday.
3. Why did the investor bring a pencil to the meeting? To draw some interest.
4. Why don’t financial wizards play hide and seek? Good investors are always visible in the market.
5. What did the investor say when asked about their favorite fruit? “I’m all about that Apple stock.”
6. Why did the stock market have such high self-esteem? It had a strong portfolio.
7. Why did the banker become a chef? He heard it was a good way to earn some bread.
8. Why did the penny see a therapist? It had too many issues.
9. How do you make a Venmo payment to a clown? Send them a “funny” transfer.
10. Why did the investor break up with the stock market? It just wasn’t a good match.
Hilarious stock market jokes that will have you rolling on the floor
1. Why did the stock market cross the road? To get to the bull market on the other side.
2. Why did the chicken invest in real estate? It wanted to build a nest egg.
3. Why did the pasta maker invest in the stock market? He wanted to see his dough rise.
4. Why don’t stocks like to go to the gym? They don’t want to lose their dividends.
5. What did the stock market say to the investor after a rough day? “Don’t worry, we’ll bounce back.”
6. Why did the investor bring a ladder to the stock market? He wanted to reach new heights.
7. Why do investors make terrible comedians? They always follow the market trend.
8. Why did the stock get a job as a chef? It heard it had a lot of potential.
9. Why did the financial analyst break up with the economist? They just couldn’t see eye to eye on the market.
10. How do you make a stock market bubble? Fill it with hot air.
Investing humor: The best jokes for financial enthusiasts
1. Why did the investor break up with the budget? It just couldn’t balance their relationship.
2. Why don’t investors go to the beach? They’re afraid of getting “sandy” investments.
3. How do you make a stock market crash less frightening? Add a laugh track.
4. Why did the financial planner bring a umbrella to the meeting? They were forecasting a rainy day.
5. Why did the stockbroker become a magician? She wanted to make disappearing funds reappear.
6. What did the investor say after losing money in the stock market? “I guess I’ll just have to make a withdrawal…at the ATM.”
7. Why did the stock market go on a diet? It wanted to cut back on the bear market.
8. Why don’t investors eat at buffets? They can’t handle the ups and downs.
9. How do you know when a stock is lying? Its dividends don’t add up.
10. Why did the investor become a chef? He heard he could make a lot of “dough” in the restaurant industry.
From Wall Street to Main Street: A collection of side-splitting investing jokes
1. Why did the stock market go to therapy? It needed help working through its emotional highs and lows.
2. What did the investor say to the financial planner during their hiking trip? “Let’s take the scenic route to financial success.”
3. Why did the Wall Street banker’s laptop go to the doctor? It had a bad case of “screens-itis.”
4. Why did the stockbroker become a comedian? She heard the market was always up for a good laugh.
5. What did the stock market say after getting a new high? “I’m feeling on top of the world.”
6. How does a stock market trader end a phone call? “I’ll hang up and let the market do the same.”
7. Why did the investor bring a shovel to the stock market? To dig for buried treasure stocks.
8. What did the financial planner say when asked about investing in airline stocks? “I’m hoping for some ‘sky-high’ returns.”
9. Why don’t stockbrokers like watching horror movies? They can’t handle the suspenseful market drops.
10. Why did the Wall Street banker invest in an ice cream shop? He heard it was a “sweet” deal.