Top Illinois Jokes, Illinois Puns, Illinois Dad Jokes & More

In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best illinois jokes, illinois puns and illinois dad jokes to make you laugh.

1. Hilarious Land of Lincoln Jokes

1. Why did Abraham Lincoln go to a fancy restaurant?
Because he wanted four score and seven steaks to go!

2. Why did the scarecrow win an award in Illinois?
Because he was outstanding in his field!

3. What did Illinois say to the other states?
“I’m the Land of Lincoln for a reason – I’m a cut above the rest!”

4. Why did the Chicagoan bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house!

5. What did the Illinois tornado say to the trailer park?
“I’ve got my eye on you!”

6. Why don’t Illinoisans play hide and seek with corn?
Because it’s always stalking them!

7. Why did the Illinois farmer bring a pig to the poetry reading?
He heard it was a “haiku” event!

8. How do you know it’s winter in Illinois?
The snowmen are wearing ear muffs!

9. Why was the math book sad in Illinois?
It had too many problems!

10. Why did the Illinois basketball team go to space?
They heard there were some good shooters up there!

2. Laughing it up in the Prairie State: Illinois Edition

1. Why do Illinois chickens lay eggs on a slant?
Because the corn keeps sliding down hill!

2. What did the Prairie State say to its neighbor?
“I’m kind of a big dill around here!”

3. Why did the Chicago hot dog feel self-conscious?
It heard ketchup was a banned substance!

4. Why did the Illinois goose go to the doctor?
It had a honking cough!

5. Why do Illinoisans make terrible thieves?
Because they always get caught corn-handed!

6. What do Illinois farmers use to keep warm in the winter?
Corn husks it their jackets!

7. Why was the Illinois baseball fan terrible at telling jokes?
He always struck out!

8. Why did the Illinois cow join a band?
It had the moosical talent!

9. How do you know someone is from Illinois?
They always have a kernel of wisdom!

10. Why did the Illinois ghost move to the Windy City?
It heard there was great boo-tique shopping there!

3. Windy City Humor: Top Chicago Jokes

1. Why did the Chicago river turn green on St. Patrick’s Day?
It was feeling a little “under the weather!”

2. Why did the Chicago hot dog break up with the hamburger?
It couldn’t ketchup to the relationship!

3. Why do Chicagoans make terrible landscapers?
They always end up deep-dish-ing the plants!

4. Why was the Chicago pizza always happy?
It had a lot of dough to go around!

5. What do you call a tornado in downtown Chicago?
The Windy City’s version of spin class!

6. Why did the Chicago cabbie start a comedy club?
He had a lot of good “fare”!

7. Why was the Chicago bear terrible at sports?
It had a lot of Cub issues!

8. Why did the Chicago politician take up gardening?
He heard it was a great way to “root” out corruption!

9. How do Chicagoans beat the summer heat?
They stay in-shade!

10. Why did the Chicago river refuse to go to therapy?
It didn’t want to open up about its deep issues!

4. Making the Midwest Giggle: Best Illinoisian One-Liners

1. Why did the Illinois windshield wipers get promoted?
They rose to the squeegee-ing challenge!

2. What do Illinois cats have for breakfast?
Mice Krispies!

3. Why do Illinoisans make bad comedians?
They always crack corny jokes!

4. Why did the Illinois cow go to space?
It wanted to eat some “moon cheese”!

5. What do you call a musical about Illinois agriculture?
The “Corn”-cert Hall!

6. Why was the Illinois football team always cold?
They couldn’t handle the “grid”iron!

7. Why did the Illinois scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his hay field!

8. What do Illinois frogs drink in the summer?
Croak-a-cola!

9. Why did the Illinois chicken join the band?
It had perfect pitch!

10. What did the Illinois pizza say to the cheese?
“You had me at mozarella!”

5. Corny but Funny: Jokes About Illinois Agriculture

1. Why did the Illinois farmer take up gardening?
He needed more “corn-tentment” in his life!

2. What do Illinois cows listen to on long drives?
Moo-sic!

3. Why did the Illinois potato go to the doctor?
It had a bad “chipping” habit!

4. Why do Illinois pigs make terrible detectives?
They always squeal on each other!

5. What did the Illinois tractor say to the barn?
“Pulling you is a real “hitch”!”

6. Why did the Illinois apple tree get an award?
It was the apple of everyone’s “eye-phone”!

7. Why did the Illinois sheep go to the barber?
It had too many “bahd” hair days!

8. How do Illinois farmers stay in shape?
They do “crop” rotations!

9. Why do Illinois plants love to gossip?
They always have the “dirt” on each other!

10. What do Illinois corn stalks say to each other?
“I’m all ears!”