In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best divorce jokes, divorce puns and divorce dad jokes to make you laugh.
Splitting Up the Laughs: Top 5 Divorce Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh
1. Why did the man only bring a credit card to his divorce? Because he wanted to split the bill!
2. What’s a divorce lawyer’s favorite game? Split the assets!
3. I asked my ex-wife for water during the divorce proceedings. She gave me a glacial look.
4. Why did the math book look so sad during the divorce? It had too many problems.
5. Divorce is like algebra. You look at your X and wonder Y.
Getting Divorce-Ready: Hilarious Jokes About Marriage and Divorce
6. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops. Divorce is the reverse.
7. Why did the couple decide to call it quits? They realized they were not on the same page; they were in different books altogether!
8. My wife told me she wants a divorce because I’m too old-fashioned. I almost choked on my cassette tape.
9. Divorce is the price men pay for taking their partners for granite.
10. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Laughing Through Heartbreak: Funny Divorce Jokes to Lighten the Mood
11. Why did the tomato turn red during the divorce? It saw the salad dressing!
12. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better!
13. My ex-wife and I agreed on a no-contact rule during the divorce. We used carrier pigeons.
14. How do you know your divorce is final? Your ex-wife has a new last name.
15. Marriage is grand. Divorce is about 20 grand.
The Ex Factor: Jokes About Ex-Spouses and Divorce Settlements
16. Why did the woman bring a ladder to the divorce court? She heard the case was going to be overruled!
17. Divorces are like hurricanes. You know they’re coming, and when they arrive, they blow everything away.
18. My wife was mad that I didn’t open the car door for her. But I still got in the car. I guess we’re not match made in heaven.
19. Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.
20. My ex-wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Divorce Court Comedy: Humorous Jokes About the Legal Side of Divorce
21. Why did the man bring a dictionary to divorce court? He wanted to define the terms of their separation.
22. Divorce is like a tornado. At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then someone loses a trailer.
23. I was so poor in my divorce, I had to split the house with the dog.
24. My divorce was so smooth, I never got to the point where I had to choose between ‘his’ and ‘hers’ towels.
25. Divorce: the process of splitting the apple of Eden and hoping the seeds do not grow back.