In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best crime jokes, crime puns and crime dad jokes to make you laugh.
Hilarious Heist Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh!
1. Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway!
2. What do you call a criminal who cooks? A cereal killer!
3. Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He heard they had the best dough!
4. How do you know if a bank robber is happy? He’s always vaulting with joy!
5. Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the jewelry store? He wanted to make a clean getaway!
6. Why was the burglar such a good artist? He knew how to draw blood!
7. What do you call a burglar who likes to knit? A crocheter criminal!
8. Why did the criminal break into the bakery? He heard they had a lot of dough!
9. Why couldn’t the burglar rob the bakery? He couldn’t make enough bread!
10. Why did the thief bring a bag of sugar to the bank? He wanted to make a sweet escape!
The Ultimate Collection of Criminal Comedy: Robbery Jokes That Will Steal Your Funny Bone
1. Why did the thief take a bath before robbing the electronic store? He wanted to make a clean sweep!
2. What do you call a criminal who takes pictures? A mug shot!
3. Why did the robber break into the shoe store? He wanted to steal sole-ly for the puns!
4. How do you know if a bank robber is happy? He always makes a withdrawal!
5. Why did the burglar break into the perfume store? He wanted to make a clean scent!
6. Why did the thief bring a ladder to the jewelry store? He heard they had high karats!
7. What do you call a criminal who loves music? A burglar with good taste!
8. Why did the bank robber bring a calculator? He wanted to make sure his math was on point for the heist!
9. Why did the thief break into the bakery? He heard they had a lot of dough!
10. Why couldn’t the criminal rob the bookstore? He couldn’t find the right crime!
Law Enforcement Laughs: The Best Cop Jokes on the Beat
1. Why do police officers never go on strike? They can’t handle the long picket lines!
2. What do you call a policeman who becomes a pilot? A flight officer!
3. Why did the cop sit on the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on the cyber criminals!
4. How does a police officer cook eggs? He scrambles them with a little beatdown!
5. Why did the detective bring a pencil to the crime scene? He wanted to draw his own conclusions!
6. Why did the police officer bring a net to the basketball game? He heard the players were all dribbling criminals!
7. What do you call a detective who always tells the truth? Sherlock Honest!
8. Why couldn’t the police officer catch the criminal on the bicycle? He was two tired!
9. Why did the cop go to the baseball game? He wanted to catch some foul play!
10. Why did the police officer bring a map to the crime scene? He wanted to pin-point the suspect!
Killer Comedians: Murder Mystery Jokes That Will Leave You Dying of Laughter
1. Why do skeletons never start arguments? They don’t have the guts!
2. What do you call an undercover detective who’s always hungry? Columbo-licious!
3. Why did the murderer read the dictionary? He wanted to look up the definition of “killer”!
4. How do you know if a ghost is a good comedian? He always kills in the afterlife!
5. Why did the axe murderer break up with his girlfriend? He couldn’t handle the chopping block!
6. What did the murderer do when he forgot to buy coffee? He used the morgue!
7. Why was the murder suspect always so cold? He had a killer frost!
8. What do you call a detective who can’t solve a murder? A clueless!
9. Why don’t murderers ever clean up after themselves? They prefer to leave no corpse behind!
10. Why did the murderer take a nap after the crime? He needed to recharge his kill-ometer!
Funny Felonies: The Top Criminal Jokes That Will Have You Doing Time… Laughing!
1. Why did the criminal break up with their calculator? It could only divide!
2. What did the burglar do with the calendar he stole? He planned on taking days off!
3. Why did the thief steal a calendar? He wanted to rip off some dates!
4. How does a burglar keep their breath fresh? They always steal mints!
5. Why did the criminal rob the toothpaste factory? He wanted to make a clean get-away!
6. What do you call a group of robbers who love chocolate chips? The chip gang!
7. Why did the thief rob the seafood restaurant? He wanted to reel in the dough!
8. Why did the burglar wear a bandage at the crime scene? He wanted to cover his tracks!
9. What do you call a thief who plays the drums? A con artist!
10. Why did the criminal bring a ladder to the bank robbery? He wanted to take his crimes to new heights!