Top Broccoli Jokes, Broccoli Puns, Broccoli Dad Jokes & More

In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best broccoli jokes, broccoli puns and broccoli dad jokes to make you laugh.

Broccoli Jokes That Will Have You Bursting With Laughter

1. Why did the broccoli go to the doctor? Because it had a bad stalk of celery.
2. What did the broccoli say to the cauliflower? You’re a cut above the rest.
3. How does broccoli use a smartphone? It cauliflower friends.
4. Why did the broccoli break up with the cauliflower? It found another veggie to stalk.
5. What’s a broccoli’s favorite sport? Cauli-fornia dreaming.
6. How does a broccoli answer the phone? Stalk and awe.
7. Why did the broccoli go to school? To become the head of its class.
8. What do you call a scary broccoli? A headless boogeyman.
9. Why was the broccoli always calm? It never let things get out of stalk.
10. What did the broccoli bring to the party? A head of lettuce.

Going Green: The Funniest Broccoli Puns

1. How do you make a broccoli dance? Put on some good jams and let it salsa.
2. Why don’t broccoli and lettuce get along? They have too many beefs.
3. What’s a broccoli’s favorite type of music? Rock-coli.
4. Why did the broccoli win an award? Because it was a-stalk-ing performance.
5. What do you call a broccoli that’s shy? A flower in disguise.
6. Why did the broccoli bring a ladder? It wanted to reach new heights.
7. What did the broccoli say to the tomato? You’re a-peeling.
8. How does a broccoli make dessert? By putting the broccoli-custard.
9. Why did the broccoli go to the gym? It wanted to get stalky.
10. What’s a broccoli’s favorite movie? The Green Mile.

Cracking Up: Hilarious Broccoli One-Liners

1. I’m not a regular veggie, I’m a cool-liflower.
2. Broccoli may not be the hero we deserve, but it’s the hero we need.
3. I tried to make a broccoli joke, but it was just too corny.
4. Why was the broccoli always absentminded? It kept losing its head.
5. Broccoli doesn’t need a therapist, it just needs a good steamer.
6. My dog loves broccoli, but only as a last resort.
7. Why was the broccoli always late? It had to wilt-ness trip.
8. How does broccoli apologize? It says, “I’m sow-ry”.
9. When in doubt, eat broccoli out.
10. What do you call a broccoli that’s full of himself? A real stem star.

Stirring Up Fun: The Best Broccoli Knock-Knock Jokes

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli gives me gas, too.
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stalk. Stalk who? Stop stalking me, broccoli!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Floret. Floret who? Floret it go, broccoli!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brassica. Brassica who? Broccoli forgot my name!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Head. Head who? Head to the store and get me some broccoli, please.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. Leaf who? Leaf me alone, broccoli!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Crunch. Crunch who? Crunch some more broccoli, I’m hungry!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fiber. Fiber who? Broccoli is a great source of fiber, get some today!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vitamin. Vitamin who? Vitamin C you eating your broccoli!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Steam. Steam who? Broccoli and steamed veggies make a great side dish.