In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best break up jokes, break up puns and break up dad jokes to make you laugh.
1. Splitting up with a Smile: The Top Hilarious Break Up Jokes
1. Why did the man break up with the calendar?
Because it had too many dates!
2. What do you call an ex who won’t get out of your house?
Unconsciously Coupled.
3. Why did the baker break up with his girlfriend?
She just wasn’t his slice of pie.
4. Why did the scarecrow break up with the crows?
He was tired of being used for his body.
5. Why did the math book break up with the history book?
They didn’t have any chemistry.
6. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
She was a pain in the neck.
7. Why did the ocean break up with the beach?
It was tired of being taken for granted.
8. Why did the musician break up with his metronome?
It couldn’t keep up with his tempo.
9. Why did the balloon break up with the pin?
It just couldn’t handle the prick.
10. Why did the treadmill break up with the gym?
It was tired of being walked all over.
2. Laugh Away the Heartbreak: Funny Jokes to Ease a Break Up
1. My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames while we dated…
But I didn’t realize “A***hole” was going to be permanent.
2. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Let out a little wine.
3. I used to have a girlfriend with a lazy eye…
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
4. My ex-wife is rated number one…
Her ex-boyfriends were 0.
5. Why did the girl break up with the astronaut?
He needed space.
6. Why did the lettuce break up with the celery?
It had stalk-er tendencies.
7. Why did the phone break up with its charger?
It just couldn’t keep up.
8. Why did the bee break up with the flower?
Because it wanted to branch out.
9. Why did the kite break up with the sky?
It needed some space.
10. Why did the plant break up with the sun?
It was getting too much photosynthesis.
3. Break Up Roast: Jokes to Share with Friends Going Through a Split
1. Why did the snowman break up with the snowwoman?
She was too cold.
2. Why did the baker break up with his bread?
It just wasn’t his loaf.
3. I used to date a baker…
I kneaded more from the relationship.
4. Why did the cat break up with the mouse?
She was just playing cat and mouse with him.
5. Why did the gum cross the road?
To break up with its relationship with the sidewalk.
6. Why did the comedian break up with his audience?
He couldn’t take the silence anymore.
7. Why was the math book sad?
Because its “x” was nowhere to be found.
8. Why did the broom and dustpan break up?
They just couldn’t sweep things under the rug anymore.
9. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well.
10. Why did the musician break up with their instrument?
It just wasn’t playing the same tune anymore.
4. Keep Smiling Through the Tears: The Best Break Up Jokes to Lighten the Mood
1. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer…
I said, “No, wait! I can change!”
2. How do you know it’s time to break up with your dentist?
When they say, “We need to talk about floss.”
3. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
4. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
5. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
6. Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants!
7. What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
9. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
10. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
5. Turning Pain into Laughter: Break Up Jokes Guaranteed to Make You LOL
1. You can’t break up with your gym…
If you never signed up for a membership.
2. Why did the marriage counselor go bankrupt?
He couldn’t make the ends meet.
3. What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
5. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
6. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
7. I used to play piano by ear…
But now I use my hands.
8. Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own?
Because it was two-tired.
9. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
10. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…
She gave me a hug.