In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best assassin jokes, assassin puns and assassin dad jokes to make you laugh.
Deadly Funny: Top Assassin Jokes That Will Have You Laughing
1. Why did the assassin break up with his girlfriend? Because he needed some space.
2. How does an assassin like his coffee? With a shot of espresso.
3. Did you hear about the assassin who couldn’t make it to the meeting? He had a killer headache.
4. Why did the assassin bring a ladder to the job? To take his career to new heights.
5. What’s an assassin’s favorite type of party? A murder mystery dinner.
6. Why did the assassin go to therapy? To work through his hit-ssues.
7. How does an assassin stay organized? With a hit list.
8. What do you call an assassin in a snowstorm? A cold-blooded killer.
9. Why did the assassin always carry a pencil? In case he needed to make a quick draw.
10. How did the assassin get rid of his cold? With a shot of assassin’s creed.
Killing it with Laughter: Hilarious Assassin Jokes to Brighten Your Day
1. Why did the assassin wear sunscreen? To protect his killer tan.
2. How does an assassin greet his friends? “Long time, no point.”
3. Did you hear about the assassin who became a chef? He really knows how to ‘slice’ and ‘dice’.
4. What’s an assassin’s favorite type of music? Hit singles.
5. Why did the assassin go to the gym? To work on his killer abs.
6. How did the assassin pass his driving test? He aced the ‘hit and run’ section.
7. What’s an assassin’s favorite game? Hide and seek.
8. Why did the assassin join a book club? To brush up on his cover stories.
9. How does an assassin stay calm under pressure? He takes a deep breath and aims for the head.
10. What did the assassin say to the target at the costume party? “You better watch your back.”
Hitman Humor: The Best Assassination Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
1. What do you call an assassin in a bakery? A knead-less hitman.
2. Why did the assassin go to the art museum? He was looking for some killer inspiration.
3. How did the assassin make sure he was always on time? He set his watch to ‘kill-o-clock’.
4. What did the assassin say to his therapist? “I just can’t seem to hit my target.”
5. Why did the assassin take up knitting? He wanted to leave behind a killer sweater.
6. How does an assassin keep his hair so shiny? He uses head and shoulders…to aim for the head and shoulders.
7. What’s an assassin’s favorite dessert? Death by chocolate cake.
8. Why did the assassin become a detective? He wanted to solve his own cases before they became his job.
9. How did the assassin train for the marathon? He practiced his ‘hit and run’ technique.
10. Why did the assassin play the piano? To hit all the right notes…and targets.
Sniper Wit: Laugh Out Loud with These Assassin Jokes
1. Why did the assassin fail his driving test? He couldn’t make a clean getaway.
2. How does an assassin make sure he’s always on trend? He follows the latest hit-list.
3. Did you hear about the assassin who opened a bakery? His specialty was loaf and death.
4. What do you call an assassin with a sweet tooth? A chocolatier of death.
5. Why did the assassin become a stand-up comedian? To kill it on stage.
6. How did the assassin fix his computer? He gave it a virus…literally.
7. What did the assassin say at the seafood restaurant? “I’ll have the trout and about to be dead.”
8. Why did the assassin go to the gym? To work on his ‘hit and run’ exercises.
9. How does an assassin stay relaxed? He practices mindful shooting.
10. What’s an assassin’s favorite board game? Clue…until he solves it.
Dark Humor at its Finest: Assassins Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle
1. Why did the assassin become a gardener? He had a green thumb…and a black heart.
2. How does an assassin like his movies? Action-packed…with lots of plot twists.
3. Did you hear about the assassin who became a tailor? He specializes in custom hits.
4. What do you call an assassin who loves math? A calculating killer.
5. Why did the assassin become a dentist? He wanted to drill down to the root of his problems.
6. How does an assassin stay in shape? He practices his ‘hit and run’ routine.
7. What did the assassin say to the target at the bar? “Mind if I take a shot at you?”
8. Why did the assassin become a teacher? He really knows how to make a point.
9. How did the assassin celebrate his birthday? With a surprise party…literally.
10. What’s an assassin’s favorite holiday? Groundhog Day…he gets to relive his hits.