In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best anniversary jokes, anniversary puns and anniversary dad jokes to make you laugh.
Hilarious One-Liners: 10 Anniversary Jokes to Make You Laugh
1. I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” So I got her nothing.
2. My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She still knows how to push my buttons…but now she knows exactly which ones to push to turn me on the most.
3. My husband forgot our anniversary, so I upgraded his memory card.
4. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
5. Why is a wedding cake the happiest cake? Because it’s tiered up!
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular for anniversaries?
7. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Ever look at your X and wonder Y?
8. I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.
9. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
10. My husband and I have a secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and then have sex. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Laugh Out Loud: The Funniest Anniversary Jokes of All Time
1. My wife told me to leave, and come back a year from now. So I told her, “I can’t, this is our anniversary week!”
2. My husband said he wanted to be more spontaneous, so I divorced him. Surprise!
3. What’s the secret to a great marriage? Keep the fights clean and the laundry dirty.
4. I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, “I want a divorce.” I wasn’t expecting that, I thought she wanted a diamond ring.
5. The best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once.
6. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
7. I asked my husband what he wanted for our anniversary. He said, “Not a lot…just a divorce.”
8. I used to be a people person, but then I got married.
9. My wife told me that for our anniversary, she wants something that goes from 0 to 100 in under 3 seconds. So I got her a bathroom scale.
10. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Or at least until the restraining order kicks in.
Anniversary Jokes That Will Have You in Stitches
1. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, but it feels like 20. That’s because I got her a packet of expired sewing needles for our anniversary.
2. I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine…he gets better with age. She said, “No honey, you’re more like a bottle of vinegar.”
3. My wife wanted something that would go from 0 to 100 in seconds for our anniversary. So I bought her a bathroom scale.
4. My wife said our relationship is like history. We keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
5. My husband asked me what I wanted for our anniversary. I said, “Just give me some peace and quiet.” So he moved out.
6. What’s the difference between a wedding ring and a chainsaw? You can see the ring coming off, but can’t see the chainsaw coming off.
7. My wife has a hard time remembering our anniversary. But that’s okay, I always remind her the week after to make up for it.
8. Do you know why diamonds are a girl’s best friend? They last longer than relationships.
9. My husband said he wanted to have candlelit dinners for our anniversary, but only when the power goes out.
10. Marriage is like a phone call in the night. First comes the ring, then you wake up.
Celebrate with Laughter: Top Anniversary Jokes for Couples
1. My husband thinks I’m crazy, but I’m not the one who married me.
2. I told my wife to surprise me for our anniversary. She brought home a pregnancy test.
3. Why did the couple go to therapy on their anniversary? They wanted to work out their issues.
4. My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary with a romantic dinner at home. I’m cooking, and he’s doing the dishes. It’s going to be magical.
5. My wife told me she wants a divorce for our anniversary. I told her I wanted a surprise, not a shock.
6. Why is marriage like a deck of cards? In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish for a club and a spade.
7. I asked my partner what they wanted for our anniversary. They said, “To be single.” So I bought them an angry cat.
8. My wife said she wanted something sleek and sexy for our anniversary. So I bought her a new vacuum cleaner.
9. What’s the secret to a long and happy marriage? Don’t get a divorce.
10. My husband and I have been married for 10 years, but it feels like 20. That’s because he always forgets our anniversary!
The Ultimate List of Anniversary Jokes for a Happy Marriage
1. Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. I found mine.
2. My wife insists on having candlelit dinners for our anniversary. Not because they’re romantic, but because she’s afraid we’ll lose power.
3. My wife asked me what I wanted for our anniversary. I told her, “Nothing would make me happier than a divorce.” She didn’t find it as funny as I did.
4. My husband and I decided not to exchange gifts for our anniversary this year. Trading insults is more fun.
5. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the anniversary party? He heard it was a high-stakes event.
6. My wife told me she wants to be spoiled for our anniversary. So I bought her a sponge.
7. Why is marriage like a mental institution? You can come, but you can never leave.
8. My wife asked me why I haven’t surprised her for our anniversary. I said, “I’m saving it for our divorce.”
9. Why did the wife file for divorce on their anniversary? She couldn’t stand him for one more day.
10. My husband wanted something that would go from 0 to 100 in seconds for our anniversary. So I bought him a treadmill.