In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best criminal jokes, criminal puns and criminal dad jokes to make you laugh.
Laughing Behind Bars: Top Hilarious Criminal Jokes
1. Why did the burglar stay in bed all day? He didn’t want to get caught breaking and entering.
2. What do you call a group of robbers? A crime spree-cial.
3. Why did the convict go to art school? He wanted to brush up on his forgery skills.
4. Why did the bank robber take a bath before committing a crime? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
5. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems (prison bars) to deal with.
6. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta – just like a fake criminal!
7. Why was the thief so good at poker? He knew how to steal the blinds.
8. What do you call a group of organized criminals? A mob-ile network.
9. Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? He heard they caught a foul ball.
10. Why did the convict become a chef? He wanted to serve his time in the kitchen.
Fugitive Funnies: Side-Splitting Jokes About Criminals
1. Why did the criminal take a ladder to court? He heard the case needed a higher appeal.
2. What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg-criminal.
3. Why did the thief take a shower before robbing a house? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
4. Why was the bank robber so good at his job? He knew all the ins and outs.
5. Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
6. What did the police officer say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
7. Why was the pickpocket always calm? He was good at keeping his cool.
8. Why did the convict go to therapy? He had a lot of time to ruminate in his cell.
9. Why do criminals love to work in the bakery? They can make a lot of dough.
10. Why did the criminal get a job at the orange juice factory? He heard they had a lot of pulp positions available.
Breaking the Law, Breaking the Ice: The Best Criminal Jokes to Tell
1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired (too tired) from the getaway.
2. Why did the thief take a bath before stealing? He wanted to make a clean break.
3. Why did the bank robber put extra money in the safe? He was hoping for some interest.
4. Why did the criminal wear stripes to the party? He wanted to blend in with the jailbirds.
5. What do you call a detective who solves crimes while standing in a creek? A water closet.
6. Why did the pickpocket join the choir? He wanted to lift a few spirits.
7. Why did the thief break into the bakery? He heard they had top-notch security.
8. How do you catch a squirrel that committed a crime? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
9. What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? Odor in the court!
10. Why did the burglar take a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
Criminal Comedians: Comedy Gold with a Criminal Twist
1. Why was the criminal such a hit at the party? He knew how to steal the show.
2. Why did the bank robber go to the comedy club? He wanted to make a withdrawal.
3. What did the convict say to his pencil? You’re behind bars too.
4. Why did the thief break into the bakery? He heard they were rolling in the dough.
5. Why did the pickpocket carry a notebook? He wanted to jot down his thoughts before they were stolen.
6. What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison (electric) car.
7. Why did the convict join the yoga class? He wanted to work on his con-flexibility.
8. Why did the criminal take a job at the music store? He wanted to steal some beats.
9. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta – just like a fake criminal!
10. Why did the thief break into the barbershop? He heard they had a lot of good clips.
Laughing in the Face of Crime: The Funniest Jokes About Lawbreakers
1. Why did the thief take a bath before stealing from the jewelry store? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
2. What’s a criminal’s favorite type of exercise? Running from the law.
3. Why was the bank robber so good at hide and seek? He always knew where to make a deposit.
4. Why did the convict become a teacher? He had a lot of time to think about his actions.
5. What do you call a stolen car that nobody wants? A car-nage.
6. Why did the pickpocket go broke? He couldn’t pinch pennies.
7. Why did the criminal buy a sword? He wanted to cut to the chase.
8. Why was the bank robber afraid of math? He could never count on his fingers.
9. What did the detective say to the suspect who was obsessed with cleanliness? You’re scrubbed in the case.
10. Why did the criminal always work alone? He couldn’t trust anyone else to take the rap.