In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best drive jokes, drive puns and drive dad jokes to make you laugh.
Speeding Ticket Jokes that Will Have You Laughing All the Way to Traffic Court
1. Why did the police officer give the speeding ticket to the math teacher? Because he was going too fast!
2. I told the officer I wasn’t speeding, I was just testing the acceleration of my car. He didn’t find it as funny as I did.
3. What do you call a can of soup that got a speeding ticket? Chunky roadrunner.
4. My favorite thing about getting a speeding ticket is that it’s a great excuse to use the carpool lane.
5. Why did the speeding ticket attend therapy? It had some serious road rage issues.
6. How do you know you’re about to get a speeding ticket? When you can hear the cop’s donut radar going off.
7. Did you hear about the man who got a speeding ticket on his horse and buggy? He was really hauling ash!
8. My friend got a speeding ticket for going too fast in reverse. He said he was trying to back that thing up.
9. What did the snail say after getting a speeding ticket? “I swear officer, I was just trying to escar-go.”
10. I got a speeding ticket for going over the speed limit. I told the officer I was just trying to time travel to my destination.
Hilarious Carpool Jokes to Lighten Up Your Commute
1. How do you make a carpool more enjoyable? Fill it with clowns and laugh your way to work!
2. What’s a carpool driver’s favorite type of music? Carpool Karaoke hits!
3. I love carpooling with my coworkers, it’s like a daily stand-up comedy show on wheels.
4. Why did the ants never use carpooling services? They don’t like being stuck in traffic with more than six legs.
5. What do you call a carpool of musicians? A car-harmonic convergence.
6. How do you know you’re in a carpool with a dad? He insists on playing his mixtape of dad jokes the entire ride.
7. My carpool group has a rule that the first person to spot a cow gets shotgun. Moo-ve over, there’s a new sheriff in town!
8. Why don’t skeletons ever carpool together? They can’t stop bickering about who has the right of way.
9. I tried starting a carpool with my plants, but they kept complaining about the car’s lack of trunk space.
10. What do you get when you mix a clown, a magician, and a carpool? A magical comedic transportation experience.
Road Rage Humor: Jokes to Keep You Sane in Traffic Jams
1. Why did the traffic jam cross the road? To annoy the chicken trying to get to the other side.
2. What do you call a calm driver stuck in traffic? A straight-laced road warrior.
3. Why did the road rage driver bring a map to the traffic jam? To show other cars the alternate routes he’s not taking.
4. I tried switching lanes to get ahead in traffic, but all I got was a crash course in patience.
5. I asked the doctor for a prescription for road rage, and he told me to try drinking more green lights.
6. What do you call a car stuck in traffic but still manages to stay cool? A chilled-out commuter.
7. Why did the traffic jam get promoted to manager? It really knows how to put the brakes on progress.
8. I tried meditating in traffic, but all I got was honks and dirty looks. Guess I’m not cut out for zen driving.
9. What’s a road rage driver’s favorite game? Dodging potholes and weaving through traffic cones.
10. My therapist recommended I take up knitting to deal with road rage. Now I’m stuck in traffic with a ball of yarn and some really questionable mittens.
Funny Driving Puns to Make Your Fellow Drivers Honk with Laughter
1. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired from all the driving puns.
2. I told a joke about parallel parking, but it’s so long nobody could find a good place to stop it.
3. What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-Yoda.
4. Why did the police officer pull over the car with bad brakes? It couldn’t stop in time for the punchline.
5. What do you call two birds stuck in the same lane? A tweet jam.
6. Why did the car refuse to wear its seatbelt? It wanted to stay rebelliously independent.
7. Why did the cow drive the tractor? It wanted to moooove some hay.
8. Tell me a driving pun. Nay, I’m tired of being wheely pressured.
9. Why do hamburgers make bad drivers? They always end up on the wrong side of the bun.
10. How do you turn a dull drive into a fun ride? Add more puns and pedal to the metal!
Parking Lot Jokes: Because Finding a Spot Shouldn’t Be This Stressful
1. Why did the parking spot break up with the car? It couldn’t handle the emotional baggage.
2. What do you call a car that can’t find a parking spot? A tow-tal failure.
3. Why did the parking meter get into an argument with the car? It felt like it was being nickel-and-dimed.
4. How many parking lots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but you have to find the right spot first.
5. What’s a tree’s favorite spot in the parking lot? The trunk space.
6. I tried parking in a handicapped spot once and failed. I guess I’m just really good at going the extra mile.
7. Why did the chicken cross the parking lot? To prove it wasn’t a chicken coup.
8. What do you call an empty parking lot? A blank canvas for your car to paint donuts on.
9. I tried parallel parking once. It was a real curb-stomping experience.
10. Why did the mathematician park in the prime spot? He knew it was a multiple of his lucky number.