In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best scrubs jokes, scrubs puns and scrubs dad jokes to make you laugh.
1. Scrubbing Up the Laughs: The Funniest Jokes from Scrubs
1. Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood.
2. Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the fridge? Because it was full of cold comfort.
3. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on counting backwards before surgery? “Looks like you’re having a backwards day!”
4. Why did the nurse always carry a pencil behind her ear? In case she needed to draw blood.
5. Why did the scrub nurse bring a ladder into the operating room? To check the patient’s vitals on a higher level.
6. How did the surgeon fix the broken heart? With a lot of stitches.
7. Why did the doctor carry a book of jokes? To keep the patients in stitches.
8. Why did the nurse always have a calculator handy? To do some serious number-crunching on patient’s health.
9. Why was the doctor always calm during surgery? He had a lot of patients.
10. Why did the nurse have a wheelbarrow in the ER? To transport critical patients to the operating room.
2. Laughing Your Scrubs Off: Hilarious One-Liners and Quips from the Show
1. Dr. Cox: “I’ve never been slapped by a man wearing a thong before.”
2. Turk: “Don’t be scared. Because if you’re scared, it’s like dropping a chainsaw.”
3. Dr. Kelso: “Oh, look, it’s the eerie calm before I kill one of you.”
4. J.D: “My next patient has a puzzling mix of wisdom and mute.”
5. Turk: “You know I carry a banana in my evening scrub so that people ask, why you got a banana in your pocket? And I say, why don’t you?”
6. Dr. Cox: “If you’re going to be bad at something, be bad at sports. Athletes don’t get paid nearly as well as doctors, and they’re constantly surrounded by Gatorade.”
7. J.D: “Laverne, nice job stealing my caps, by the way. I haven’t seen that much greed since the Dean’s balls had to retake a class.”
8. Turk: “Just relax, Janitor. You can’t die of rabies if you suck on the one end of a pen that writes blue!”
9. Dr. Cox: “It’s a girl, Jordan, and with that umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, she’s already exhibiting a rather pleasantly dramatic flair. Now say goodbye.”
10. Dr. Kelso: “None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t thrown a party and invited what appears to be everyone who’s ever seen a football.”
3. Scrub-a-dub-dub: The Top Funny Moments and Jokes from Scrubs
1. J.D: “Focus, Bob Kelso. Focus like a fox.”
2. Turk: “Oh, Dr. Cox, did you just do the whole diagnosis in your head thing? That’s impressive.”
3. Janitor: “There was no chocolate pudding. That’s what I have in my pants right now.”
4. Carla: “It’s a baby, it’s not a Faberge egg.”
5. Dr. Cox: “Yeah, little things. Like breathing. And the fact that I can see your nipples through this top.”
6. J.D: “I want me some of those girls. You know, the girls that say, ‘I’ll never have sex on the first date’.”
7. Turk: “I just want to say these last few weeks with you have been nothing but perfect and I expect it to get better or I’m going to start bitching about it.”
8. Dr. Cox: “Hello, newbie. I see you’ve provided yet another shiny, happy morning for all.”
9. Turk: “He likes his woman like he likes his peanut butter — chunky.”
10. J.D: “Trust me. You want to experience childbirth with someone you love, especially since it’s really a shallow physical experience designed to get rid of a stubborn man.”
4. Doctor’s Orders: Prescription for Laughter with the Best Scrubs Jokes
1. J.D: “They say not to give Romano a pen. He’ll just stick it up his ass.”
2. Turk: “How come when I do it with a patient, it just makes you jealous?”
3. Carla: “A blind man in a munitions factory could have forecasted this.”
4. Dr. Cox: “Newbie, this seems to be the guy that’s going to pretend to be your friend up until the point where he gives you some sort of corking. But you know what’s beautiful? It makes me absolutely no difference whether he likes you or not.”
5. J.D: *walks in with a flowerpot on his head*
6. Turk: “We didn’t order giant salad. Why did you send giant salad?”
7. Carla: “He can’t hear you. He’s a vegetable.”
8. Dr. Cox: “Oh, look at that, precious! Nobody loves you! Enjoy.”
9. Elliot: “Excuse me, you are talking to the girl who had six imaginary friends for–”
10. Dr. Kelso: “You’re an attorney, Son. If you don’t have another 40 paragraphs, don’t come back.”
5. Scrubs Comedy Central: A Roundup of the Most Memorable Jokes from the Show
1. J.D: “It matters not that your last group of residents were so pathetic that by the time they finished the program they proved conclusively that leeches cannot be trained to read.”
2. Turk: “Baby, I know how much you hate doctors. Now will you please eat me?”
3. Dr. Cox: “Well, I see the surgeon really put the sledge to you, huh?”
4. J.D: “I know it’s your day off, but I thought—”
5. Carla: “Head Mistrations belong in the privacy of your own homes.”
6. Jordan: “I pay you $70 an hour and you reward my generosity by trying to use my daughter to sell newspapers.”
7. Dr. Kelso: “Well, I’ve just met with your patients.”
8. Elliot: “I’ve been to bigger dairy farms.”
9. J.D: “Both crazy. Got that.”
10. Janitor: “I love stealing.”