In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best contractor jokes, contractor puns and contractor dad jokes to make you laugh.
Nailed It: Hilarious Contractor Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
1. Why did the contractor break up with his hammer? Because they had a rocky relationship.
2. How do contractors party? They raise the roof!
3. Why did the contractor bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
4. Why did the contractor go to therapy? He had too many issues to build with.
5. What did the contractor say to the faulty wall? “You’re on thin ice!”
6. Why did the contractor have trouble finding a date? He had commitment issues.
7. Why did the contractor go broke? He couldn’t make ends meet.
8. What do you call a contractor who can’t find his tools? A screw loose.
9. Why did the contractor go to the doctor? He had a case of the construction blues.
10. What’s a contractor’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
Brick by Brick: Side-Splitting Funny Jokes Every Contractor Can Relate To
1. Why did the contractor always carry a pencil behind his ear? In case he needed to draw some blood.
2. What do you call a group of contractors stuck in traffic? A construction jam.
3. Why did the contractor carry a tape measure to the party? To see if it was off the wall.
4. What’s a contractor’s favorite movie genre? Romantic drywall comedy.
5. Why did the contractor refuse to play hide and seek with his kids? Because good contractors always shell out their whereabouts.
6. Why was the contractor always calm on the job? He had a lot of support.
7. Why did the contractor become a magician? He was great at sawing a woman in half.
8. What’s a contractor’s favorite board game? Monopoly – they love buying property.
9. Why did the contractor break up with his shovel? He couldn’t dig it anymore.
10. How do contractors stay in shape? By doing a lot of heavy lifting.
Measure Twice, Laugh Once: The Best Construction Jokes to Brighten Your Day
1. Why was the contractor always waiting in line at the bank? He had a lot of checks to cash.
2. Why did the contractor always carry a level in his pocket? To keep things on the straight and narrow.
3. How do you know if a contractor is good at telling jokes? The punchline always lands.
4. Why did the contractor refuse to play poker with his crew? They always called his bluff.
5. What did the contractor say to the wall that kept falling down? “You’re really starting to crumble on me.”
6. Why did the contractor get in trouble at the zoo? He kept trying to hammer things into place.
7. What’s a contractor’s favorite part of the alphabet? LMNOp – because they’re always hammering it down.
8. Why did the contractor join a theater group? He loved a good stage build.
9. What do you call a contractor who’s always cold? A chill builder.
10. Why was the contractor always so good at math? He knew how to crunch the numbers.
Roof-Raising Laughs: Funny Jokes About Contractors That Will Make You LOL
1. Why was the contractor always so tired? He couldn’t find time for a power nap.
2. Why did the contractor become a chef? He loved to whip up some great foundations.
3. How do contractors stay organized? They have a lot of joist-it notes.
4. Why did the contractor get in trouble at the hardware store? He nailed too many bad jokes.
5. What did the contractor say to the rude pipe? “You’re really draining me.”
6. Why did the contractor carry a feather around on the job? To tickle the funny bone.
7. What’s a contractor’s favorite type of ice cream? Sawdust swirl.
8. Why did the contractor struggle with directions? He always had to do a quick 180.
9. What do you call a contractor who’s always late? A procrastinator.
10. Why was the contractor always so popular? He knew how to build relationships.
Tool Time Comedy: The Funniest Contractor Jokes That Will Make You Hammer with Laughter
1. Why did the contractor always carry a box of tissues? In case he got a little teary-eyed over a blueprint.
2. What do you call a contractor who’s sick of working? A construction worker on strike.
3. Why did the contractor carry a spare lightbulb around? In case he had a bright idea.
4. What did the contractor say to the lumber that kept falling over? “You’re really board.”
5. Why did the contractor break up with his toolbox? He couldn’t handle the commitments.
6. How do contractors celebrate a successful project? They raise the roof – literally.
7. Why did the contractor become a stand-up comedian? He loved to hammer down those punchlines.
8. What’s a contractor’s favorite holiday? Labor Day – they love to celebrate their hard work.
9. Why was the contractor always so good at poker? He knew how to lay his cards on the table.
10. What do you call a contractor who’s always cracking jokes? A pun-tractor.