In this very funny joke compilation, we have come up with the best james bond jokes, james bond puns and james bond dad jokes to make you laugh.
1. “Shaken, Not Stirred: Hilarious James Bond Jokes to Make You Laugh Out Loud”
1. Why did James Bond refuse a haircut? He didn’t want to be a “clip” agent.
2. What did James Bond say to the bartender who asked if he wanted his martini shaken or stirred? “Do I look like I give a damn?”
3. How does James Bond like his eggs in the morning? Secretly.
4. Why did James Bond always win at poker? Because he had a “golden hand.”
5. Why did James Bond break up with his girlfriend? She kept asking him to commit, but he’s more of a “commit-to-action” kind of guy.
6. Did you hear about the accountant who was also a spy on the side? He was a double-agent, always crunching numbers and double-crossing villains.
7. What do you call it when James Bond takes a nap? Mission Im-posh-able.
8. Why did James Bond go to the bank? To make a deposit – a deposit of trust and double-crossing schemes, that is.
9. How does James Bond like his toast? Licensed to grill.
10. What’s James Bond’s favorite game at the casino? Russian Roulette – shaken, not stirred.
2. “License to LOL: The Top James Bond Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches”
1. Why did James Bond go to the desert? To find some sand traps for his enemies.
2. How does James Bond like his women? Like his vodka – icy, with a twist.
3. What do you call it when James Bond gets a cold? A sneeze of the times.
4. Why did James Bond always sleep with one eye open? So he could keep an eye out for the bad guys while catching some Z’s.
5. How did James Bond become a spy? He was “recruited” into the secret service.
6. Why did James Bond fail as a lifeguard? He kept telling people to “swim like you mean it” instead of helping them.
7. What does James Bond say when he finishes a mission? “That’s a wrap, folks!”
8. Why did James Bond join the circus? He heard they had the best undercover clown agents.
9. How does James Bond like his tea? Brewed, not stirred.
10. Why did James Bond never get lost? He always had his GPS – “Global Pursuit of Spies” by his side.
3. “007 Approved Humor: Funny Jokes About James Bond That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor”
1. Why did James Bond get a pet fish? So he could have a “license to krill.”
2. What do you call it when James Bond makes a meal? A “secret recipe for success.”
3. How does James Bond stay fit? He does “double-oh-seven-minute abs” workouts.
4. Why did James Bond become a baker? He heard it was a “loaf or death” situation.
5. What did James Bond say to his partner when they went undercover as chefs? “Let’s stir things up a bit.”
6. What’s James Bond’s favorite book genre? “Spy-thrillers”, of course.
7. Why did James Bond always carry a pen with him? So he could “write off” his enemies.
8. How does James Bond handle his laundry? He separates the whites from the tuxedos.
9. Why did James Bond take up gardening? He heard it was a “plant and double-cross” kind of job.
10. What did James Bond say when he won at poker? “Looks like I have a full house of spades.”
4. “From MI6 with Love: Side-Splitting James Bond Jokes Guaranteed to Tickle Your Funny Bone”
1. Why did James Bond go to the animal shelter? To find his purr-suade-r.
2. What’s James Bond’s favorite accessory? A “license to thrill” belt buckle.
3. How does James Bond like his steak? Medium-rare, like his missions.
4. Why did James Bond never become a doctor? He couldn’t handle the “surgical” precision required.
5. What did James Bond say to the tailor who asked for his measurements? “I take my suits with a side of intrigue.”
6. Why did James Bond join the swim team? Because he heard they had the best “undercover” dives.
7. How does James Bond like his coffee? Black, no sugar, just like his enemies.
8. Why did James Bond become a stand-up comedian? He had a way with “undercover laughter.”
9. What’s James Bond’s favorite game at the carnival? “Shoot to Thrill.”
10. How did James Bond win the dance competition? With his smooth moves and killer tango.
5. “The Spy Who Joked: Unforgettable James Bond One-Liners That Are Simply Hilarious”
1. Why did James Bond become a gardener? He heard it was a “plot” twist career change.
2. What did James Bond say to the villain who asked for a rematch? “Sorry, I’m not into a ‘re-Bond’ situation.”
3. How does James Bond like his villains? Behind bars.
4. Why did James Bond learn how to play the violin? So he could “bow and arrow” his enemies.
5. What’s James Bond’s favorite song? “Skyfalling in Love.”
6. Why did James Bond become a sculptor? He heard it was a “bonding” experience.
7. How does James Bond like his pasta? With a side of espionage.
8. What did James Bond say to the hacker who tried to break into his computer? “Looks like you’ve been ‘Q’-racked.”
9. Why did James Bond take up painting? He wanted to “brush up” on his artistic skills.
10. What’s James Bond’s favorite type of cheese? Double-agent cheddar.